Babyhood

Warning: this post can only be of interest to Kevin, pregnant women and my Mother!

Diary Sunday 7th June 1992
Life is the best it’s ever been, as I’ve been living with P. for nearly one and a half years now. I'm settled, earning good money, and looking forward to a trip to NZ and then having a baby! Not pregnant yet though, it will be a planned baby.

Diary Sunday 24th April 1993:
P. and I got married on March 13th and we’re so happy it’s impossible to write down. Next ambition is of course a baby, and I’m hoping I may already be pregnant (by 3 or 4 days! Too early to tell!)

Diary Saturday 16th October 1993
This is potentially the eve of the best day in my life, because I’m 99% sure I’m pregnant and tomorrow morning I’ll do a wee-wee test and will hopefully be 100% sure. The ups and downs, the expectation and disappointments that occurred every month this year since I stopped the Pill have been really hard to take. I’ve become really obsessed with having a baby, and can’t wait to stop work.

Diary Sunday 17th October 1993
The test is positive! I feel quite delirious, and relieved. P. is thrilled, and feels quite strange. My poor darling didn’t sleep at all last night and when I got up to go and do the test, he said his heart started beating really fast and he felt really nervous! Happy, happy day....

4th week: Headaches, sick when eating, but hungry between meals! Allergic to my Arpège perfume.
5th week: Cravings mild – ate a lot of green grapes and boiled eggs for breakfast.
6th week: Had to take 2 POLARAMINE for hay fever attack – not very happy about that, but the doctor said no risk.

Diary Sunday 7th November 1993
50 kg
I’m trying to keep a pregnancy diary but keep forgetting to make entries! Nausea waves getting quite strong now first thing in the morning and especially at lunch time. Not enjoying the walk to work very much as the car exhaust fumes are awful. All odours seem much stronger. Can’t wait to finish work and be free of cigarette smoke. Hungry every 2 hours because I can only manage very small meals.

I rang Mum and Dad last weekend to let them know – of course they are thrilled. I think word is gradually spreading at work.

Cravings this week are for Comice pears and Royal Gala apples!

Last night we announced the news to Sylvie and Thierry on the phone, with Robert, Steph and Belette present so it was simultaneous. It’s nice to see how happily everyone reacts! We went out for dinner at the Bistro Romain afterwards and Belette bought champagne.

I proudly talk about “my embryo” and try to imagine him/her, but think of it as an it. Must be about an inch long now. Hard to believe that he’s really inside me, sharing my body. Can’t wait for the first échographie (ultrasound) in 3 weeks’ time. Afterwards we’ll announce it to P.’s parents. Dr M. gave me special preggy vitamins to take with every meal for the first 3 months. They’re called OLIGOBS!

8th week: My aversion to meat has gone but now I’m finding it difficult to eat salads and drink milk! I vomited once this week, but only because I ate too much for breakfast. Now I’ve learned to eat very small meals, but frequently. My belly seems to be getting firmer, but I haven’t put on any weight yet.

12th week: 49 kg
Just had a terrible week! Last Saturday was marvellous, we had the first échographie and it was very moving. I was astonished to see the baby moving his arms and legs so vigorously! He or she measures 5 cm in length already – such progress! I also learned that – counting from the date of my last period – I’m technically at 11 ½ weeks, which really pleased me. Feel like we’re movin’ right along.

So all that was a real buzz, but the day degenerated and everything went wrong. We had to go to Steph’s birthday party that night, but neither of us really wanted to. It was too loud, too smoky and filled with people we don’t know. We ate a little, and left early. I slept well, but felt strange on Sunday morning. I vomited horribly after eating just an apple. Dozed for most of the day. At 4 pm I went to the loo and discovered I was bleeding slightly. Naturally I thought it was the start of a miscarriage. However I went to lie down straight away and felt very calm. P. called the médecin de garde, who came about an hour later. She said it was probably not serious, and almost certainly due to the late night, but gave me some tablets – SPASFON – to stop the cramps and bleeding and sent us to the hospital at St Germain en Laye for tests. The emergency maternity personnel were fantastic – saw us straight away and spent a long time examining me and asking questions. I had another échographie and everything was perfectly all right – what a joy to see the baby’s arms and legs kicking about again!

On Monday I was very careful to rest all day, and went to my gynae on Tuesday. She said everything was fine, but by this stage I had started a bloody throat infection! She gave me antibiotics – AGRAM 500 mg – which I was to take for 6 days, and LYSOPAÏNE throat pastilles. I spent the rest of the week in bed, completely feeble and lacking in appetite, it was horrible. My temperature went up to 38.7° and I couldn’t sleep for 2 nights. Took 2 POLARAMINE as well. So I wasn’t able to do any of the things I had planned. That will all have to wait until next week.

15th week: 49 kg. Not much to report. My appetite is improving and I haven’t had much nausea. No more vomiting either, which is a relief. Had 3 or 4 days of indigestion, awful wind pains in the chest after eating, even after small meals. Since the first bleeding scare I had 3 or 4 other slight bleeds but without cramps, so we didn’t panic and I just made sure to rest. It always seemed to happen after exertion or fatigue, i.e. long walks or lack of sleep.

17th week: 51 kg. Went to the gynae for my monthly check-up and listened to the baby’s heartbeat! Sounded like a horse galloping! Dr M. was surprised at how big my uterus is for only 3 months, and said luckily we already know it’s only one baby, otherwise she would have thought it was twins!

19th week: Yesterday I felt the baby move for the first time! It was a definite tapping sensation, quite independent of any wind problems or internal movements! It felt as if someone was poking my belly with a finger, but from the inside. I was really excited, of course, but as P. was sleeping I waited till he woke up before telling him.

Then last night I was really tired and thought I would fall asleep straight away, but the baby poked me again, much more strongly and I actually gasped in surprise. The second time was so strong I thought P. was doing it on purpose! Oh boy, I can’t wait for the next ultrasound. I wonder if we’ll find out the baby’s sex. I have a feeling it’s a boy. But we’ll just have to wait and see.

14th week: 55 kg. Had the second échographie and saw the baby has a tiny penis! He looks lovely, has all the right bits: 5 fingers on each hand! Has P.’s profile. He’s going to be a BIG baby because his father is so tall. His head already measures 6 cm across, his thigh bones are 4 cm long and he’s 28 cm tall! I feel him moving every day now, at morning, noon and night. It’s very pleasant to feel his kicking getting stronger, but it’s not enough to keep me awake yet.

We’re really pleased to know he’s a boy: I feel I can create a stronger relationship with him now, because I’m now able to start imagining him and the little clothes he’s going to wear. For P. this whole pregnancy thing has become more concrete now he knows it’s a boy. We’ll probably call him Kevin Christopher. However, we are keeping it a secret, we want to be able to surprise the family and friends in June so we won’t tell them now.

28th week: 57 kg. All’s well, I’m doing more sport. Swimming twice a week, gym class at the maternity hospital once a week and lots of walking of course. Feeling quite a lot heavier and have to walk gently. My most recent blood and pipi tests are fine, the only thing a bit low is my red cell count, so I shall have to eat more steak!

Have had three or four “nightmares” (more like stressful dreams really) about the budgies escaping!

My mother-in-law is getting on my nerves with her incessant “Do”s and “Don’t”s, and she keeps changing her mind about what she wants to sew and knit for the baby. She comes up with the wildest ideas – I should go over to their place on a Tuesday because her cleaning woman wants to meet me! Ludicrous idea which I certainly will not participate in. She would also like me to sit in on one of her English classes “as it would be fun for the other students.” Yes, but what about me? She’s really narked that we won’t tell her the baby’s sex, and I have to keep reminding her that we don’t necessarily want pink or blue baby clothes anyway, only yellow, green, etc., suitable for both sexes. Anyway, that’s the only stress in my life, everything else is going brilliantly! We think we’ll call the baby Kevin Robert (or Bob!), and save Christopher for a possible second son.

The baby’s kicks are so strong that P. can feel them easily and often. I’m feeling huge (God, still three months in which to get bigger!) and am now into proper maternity stretch pants. Will sew myself a tent dress soon.

31st week: 58 kg. My belly is satisfyingly huge now and the skin stretched tightly; it’s shiny and smooth and I think it looks really nice. No stretch marks, brown lines or varicose veins yet! I really enjoy the baby’s vigorous movements, even in bed when it’s getting difficult to sleep. The weight of my belly has really slowed me down when I’m out walking, which makes swimming that much more enjoyable. Up until four days ago I was sleeping really well but now I have trouble dropping off at night and for the last few days have been waking up at 4 or 5 am with nightmares or bad dreams: the sweaty, tossing & turning kind. I have to be so careful about my posture now too, especially when eating. I have to sit up really straight, if I even start to slouch, the baby thumps against my ribcage, and the dreaded heartburn starts. I can only eat really tiny meals now, and hence nibble every two hours. I’m always hungry! In restaurants I can only eat a salad and have to take it really slowly. It’s fairly unpleasant going out in the car as well. The bus is even worse, especially when there are a lot of speed bumps.

We bought the pram and pushchair last Tuesday, it’s really great having them in the spare room and trying to imagine using them every day! Today I went out shopping with P.’s parents and bought all the baby clothes we’ll need for the first month.

My mother-in-law is really getting on my nerves, as we see each other so often. [Editor’s note: I’m slightly ashamed of these comments now, 10 years later, as we get on really well, and she turned out to be an excellent grandmother and sometime ally!] We always have the same bloody conversations and she will not shut up about what “torture” it is, not being allowed to know the baby’s sex. God she pisses me off, why can’t she simply respect our decision like Mum and Dad do? I wouldn’t get so worked up about it if I didn’t see her so often. I wish I could reduce our contact. Vivement qu’on aille en Seine et Marne ! I wish she was in N.Z. and my parents were here instead. They are far too considerate to impose their advice and opinions on me like she does.

I didn’t really want to vent my spleen in this diary, especially as I’m extremely happy most of the time, and it seems a shame to spoil the “tone” of my writing but if I don’t get it off my chest now, I won’t be able to get to sleep! It’s a quarter past midnight and I’ve had to get up and pee, eat something and drink a verbena infusion because I just couldn’t get to sleep. Every time I felt myself dropping off after forcing myself to think pleasant thoughts, another of HER stupid comments would pop up in my mind and I’d start feeling irritated all over again. And the worst thing is that I sound like a real bitch, because she means well, and is so generous with material things, but she just doesn’t seem aware that everybody has their own point of view, and that her opinions are not necessarily shared.

Ouf ! Feeling a bit better, I think. I would love to ring up Mum or my brother, or Sonia [Ed: best friend from childhood], anybody!, to get if off my chest properly, but don’t want to be a whining old hag. Truly, when I’m at home on my own with the baby gambolling around my insides, or lying in bed in P.’s arms, life is such bliss, I could cry with happiness (and sometimes do).

We’ve added Jonathan to the list of names.

33rd week: 60 kg. Blood pressure down, due fatigue. Sleeping less well. Courses going well. Had a third échographie, ‘cause the baby is BIG. He’ll probably weigh between 3.8 to 4 kg at birth. Saw the gynae last week, she told me he’s in the breech position. Saw the midwife this morning, she tried to turn him. She twice got him halfway round, then he slipped out of her grasp and wiggled his head back under my ribs! The manipulation of my belly hurt a lot. They strapped me up to the monitoring machine for an hour. Baby’s heartbeat fine, but all that pummelling set off some slight contractions, so they gave me suppositories to stop them. Have to go back in 2 weeks, they will try again and probably will want me to have my pelvis x-rayed. I think all this is leading up to a programmed Caesarean , possibly before the full term is up. They say the baby still has time to turn by himself but I don’t think he will – he’s so big! – and besides, seems perfectly happy where he is.

39th week: 62 kg. Well I seem to have become too lazy to write over the last few weeks. In fact the novelty of being pregnant eventually wears off – but I haven’t become disenchanted at all, quite the contrary. I’m now at 8 ½ months and, although I look enormous, I don’t feel particularly heavy, and keep wondering when the discomfort is supposed to start! The baby never turned, no surprise, and last week I had another ultrasound (head now 10 cm across) and then a pelvic x-ray. The gynae who saw me afterwards, Mme E., confirmed I would need a Caesarean, as my pelvis is too small and the wrong shape. The great surprise is that I’m to have the operation tomorrow morning, which is much sooner than I expected. At first it was a shock and I felt slightly panicked, thinking that I wasn’t nearly ready in my preparations at home. So P. and I rushed out that same day to buy the few last minute things we needed I thought I would spend the next couple of weeks finishing off my knitting and embroidery and now I haven’t time!

This morning we had to come up to the hospital with an empty stomach at 8 am for my blood and pipi tests. P. went down to the admissions office to do the paperwork while I was strapped up to the monitoring machine. That lasted an hour, they didn’t take the blood samples until 9 am and I was starving by then! The midwife said she only took 5 mls of blood, but my hand was tingling and my whole arm felt empty! When she finally took the needle out it really hurt and my arm is still quite bruised and sore. Perhaps the Caesarean isn’t going to be as painless as I thought! Of course if the spinal anaesthetic works properly I won’t feel anything during the operation, but it’ll be different a few hours later. I expect I’ll be completely excited and very high tomorrow afternoon, and then by Friday I’ll probably be quite sore and unable to move. But if I can have little Kevin in my arms, that’s all that matters.

They brought me up to my room on the third floor around 9.30 am and very kindly gave me breakfast. I felt slightly embarrassed by the yoghurt, cake and fruit in my bag! P. stayed for a while – I’m lucky and have no-one else in my room yet, then went home to get some sleep. I’ve unpacked my stuff and checked out the toilets and shower. It’s so exciting seeing the new-borns in the other rooms. I wonder if I’ll be able to sleep tonight.

An anaesthetist came in to see me, but left again, saying she had to find my dossier first. Haven’t seen her since!

Feels very strange to be in a hospital as a patient for the first time in my life. It feels a wee bit lonely, it’s so quiet, which I didn’t expect, and I’m a bit shy about walking around the corridors – don’t want to disturb anyone. I’ll hopefully feel more at home in a few days.

I’m supposed to be seeing a nurse this afternoon who will explain the whole procedure for tomorrow morning. It’s 12:25 and I hope I’ll get some lunch soon, as I suppose I won’t be eating tonight. I’m not particularly hungry, but I need to occupy my time! I’ve got loads to read, plus my Walkman and knitting, but find it difficult to concentrate.